The Ruff Cut of "Hound Dog," a short film from Lawrence of Arkansas

Here it is! Please watch and vote on Funny or Die!

Hound Dog - watch more funny videos

Lawrence's First Movie! Huzzah!

Tis true! Lawrence just shot  his first movie! Okay, the members of Lawrence of Arkansas may be hilarious, but we don't know a grip from a boom. We collaborated with some truly amazing folks--Blake Perkinson directed, Daniel Long produced, and Travis Shinn (cinematographer) and his merry men (also known as OMFTC) shot the hell out of it.

In a nutshell, this is a coming-of-age tale in the tradition of "Old Yeller" and "Where the Red Fern Grows." Pa and Uncle Johnny have to break the news to li'l Tag that he has to shoot his dog and best pal Booger. Booger, however, is no ordinary hound. He quotes Shakespeare, enjoys a good cognac, and looks extremely sexy in a smoking jacket.

Joe Massingill portrays Booger, Ryan Stanger IS Uncle Johnny, Grazi DiPaolo plays Tag, and I AM Pa.

Still lots of postproduction work to go, but we plan to submit the short to festivals. Wish us luck!

The Eight-Hour Grilled-Cheese Sandwich. Delightful!

My good pal Blake Perkinson sent me this image this morning with the attached message:

I would like to introduce you all to THE 8 HOUR GRILLED 
CHEESE SANDWHICH!

I know what your thinking, "8 hours, who's got the time?" 
But listen  
folks with the right tools it's really not that hard.

What you'll need.

2 pieces of wheat bread.
Sliced cheddar cheese
a George Forman grill.

Place your cheese slices on the wheat toast and place on
 the George Foreman Grill, close the lid, fall asleep watching
 a movie.

When you wake up in the morning, VOILA!

the 8 hour grilled cheese.
It really is that easy.

Enjoy!

Brushito: Mexico's Coming World Dominance

I was in Guadalajara not long ago, and aside from the wonderful climate (second only to Kenya!) and its proximity to Tequila, Mexico (a.k.a. Big Rock Candy Mountain), there is something else to recommend the city. Something utterly original and utterly chilling--proof that the U.S. has bigger things to fear than China's rise as a world power.

How many times have you found yourself at a fancy restaurant with a lovely person you'd like to get to know better, only to realize that your breath smells like a fisherman's ass? Those condoms in the bathroom aren't going to do you a lick of good. If you were lucky enough to find yourself in a bathroom in a Guadalajara restaurant, you might find a giant vending machine--about the size of the Monolith from 2001--filled with mysterious little plastic bubbles. And inside each tiny bubble is a tiny toothpaste, an assemble-it-yourself toothbrush, and a little flossing tool.

Brushito is cute, cheap at a mere 20 pesos, and it solves all your immediate problems. To my thinking, that's the very definition of high technology. Mexico is beating us, my friends. Prepare for the opening of the seventh seal.

Parasailing Donkey: "The donkey screamed and children cried."

The BBC reports a disturbing publicity stunt in Russia in which a donkey went parasailing. Sure, stoned people come up with this sort of idea every day, but it's ever so rare that it makes it from the inspiration stage to execution. Just imagine that moment when the donkey was finally strapped into his sailing harness, but still with all hooves on the ground, and nobody--nobody--said, "Hey, wow, this is, like, so incredibly wrong. I object on the grounds that this is totally donkey cruelty. The donkey is totally afraid."

The only real explanation for this is that it happened in Russia, where practically from birth children hear horrendous fairy tales about kids being eaten by wolves and having their feet chopped off. I'm sure that somewhere there on the ground, as a child weeped, his father leaned down, smelling of cigarettes and vodka, and said, "Life is like parasailing donkey. From a distance, looks funny. Up close, smells like shit and fear."

The Last Airbender Is Awful. Unless You Are a Movie Reviewer on Acid

M. Night Shyamalan is once again getting his due as one of the biggest hacks of our era. But there are some brave souls who (kind of) liked his new film. People who are confused, possibly senile, probably imbibing a dangerous combination of psychotropic drugs. Still, they are people. And even if their prose reads like the ramblings of a mad monk plugged into Google Translate, these people deserve to be heard. To wit, the musings of Prairie Miller on News Blaze:

While Twilight is geared up to rule the plexes nationwide, Night is angling in more ways than one to not be far behind. That is, M. Night, whose mythologically minded, exotic 3D battle of the boys blockbuster The Last Airbender, opens the same week.

Ah, the thread of metaphor drawn slyly through that lede!

He's the gifted airbender boy in question, who can apparently bring ferocious imperialist armies to their knees with a supernatural talent for wind control wizardry. And an unchallenged superpower which leads him to be fast tracked as the rumored Avatar, or the only martial arts magician in eternal existence who can dominate and pacify all others.

Really, no comment necessary there. Except for commenting on the adjectives. But then I would have to use adjectives to describe those adjectives and I would be a hypocrite.

If only the inconsequential story that woefully pales in comparison, matched the exquisite, dazzling imagery, though a bit on the wet side as drenched seafaring adversaries continually collide.

Imagery is good. But damp. Got it. With folks like Prairie on his side, M. Night is destined to pull out of his woeful tailspin.